My Own Summer

Shout out to Benjamin who sent me a random IM that said "Blog more."

I got heavily distracted with the world's worst pregnancy scare. Like, "I am six weeks late scare". Which forced me off my meds. Just as I started a new job. o_O

Thankfully, I wasn't pregnant.

Then the focus shifted from that to getting my housing situation settled and working. A lot.

Struggling to get situated so I can focus on my financial situation.

Then I realized it's been over two months since I've been on medication.

Thankfully, there hasn't been any  episodes due to mental exhaustion and preoccupation.

So, the focus so far is rebuilding and getting back on track.

Just wanted to thank everyone for their support and concerns. I'm alive and well.

Crosstown Traffic

Mania forces my brain to become an unstoppable force of late night traffic.

My brain becomes Lake Shore Drive for awhile. Zip, zip, vroom.

I would love to walk you through my thought process but it still confuses me. So I shall do my best.

Mania, for me, is as if someone gave me an adrenaline shot from hell. Laced with Vitamin B12.

My ideas are epic. I take on projects and can finish them in a short time period. Writing becomes a breeze.

Chores get done. Life is an amazing breath of fresh air.

Then traffic builds up. Things get faster. Zip, zip, zip, zam, vroom vroom!

I take on more projects. Ideas build up to a mountain of desire. Did I mention the alcohol? The sex? The copious amount of sex? The feeling of invincibility?

How if I feel unstoppable, in one week, I manage to sleep with five different people and cuss out two other people that make me mad? How my attitude is "Fuck you, pay me"? 

How about the weird sensation of "I gotta have it, give it to me!" takes over and disaster strikes?

The blackouts occur and I wake up in a basement next to a lesser man of my standards and tastes?

Ah, yes, that's mania. A roller-coaster ride of immense energy that sends me sky high and forces me to plummet to the Earth as if I'm space trash. 

So for those that think I should embrace my manic side and let it take over the down periods of my illness, I want you to think about something.

Try running a race on an empty stomach. Then binge drink for three days straight. Now proceed to vomit and cry about how life isn't fair and apologize to everyone for all of the horrible things you've done in that time period. 

Then wake up and go to work immediately afterwards.

That, sadly, is the aftermath of mania. The feeling of running a booze-fueled race on an empty stomach and going to work the next day. 

Does it still beat depression? 

The 5 W's of RoxyWTF

Welcome!

You're now reading the official blog of RoxyWTF.

Many of you are wonder why I have this wacky name that could be self-demeaning.

You have questions and I have answers, so let's jump into the 5 W's of RoxyWTF!

WHO AM I?

I am Roxy. 

I am an African-American woman from the Southside Safari (Chicago). My words can be blunt, sarcastic, and incredibly true. I err on the side of reality while my mind wanders into a world of fantasy and inappropriate sexual tastes.

Want to find out more? Keep reading.

WHAT AM I WRITING ABOUT?

I am writing about being a Black, bisexual, bipolar nerd in one of the urban jungles of America. I will write about my struggles, triumphs, and wacky adventures. 

WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH THIS?

Who knows? Stay tuned and find out.

WHEN DO YOU START WRITING?

I've always wrote to myself. Journaling is an amazing thing. I have a tumblr that I write my personal battles. 

I also have a Twitter account where my random thoughts and acts of foolishness appears. 

WHY ARE YOU ROXYWTF?

My nickname was always Roxy since my teens. Last year, I decided to add the WTF to the end (online) because I was having an unknown manic episode. My behavior and words (online and off) would always leave people scratching their heads and saying "Roxy...WTF?!"

I figured it would be funny if I added that to my name. It kinda stuck and is something I don't regret.

People will always judge you. It's up to you how you accept that. Sometimes it is constructive, many times it's not.  

As a whole, this is just a glimpse into my world. As I continue to blog, I will always answer some of those questions you may have swimming in that darling head of yours.

I'm glad you are here to read my words. It humbles me to know there are people out there that like what I have to say. 

Many thanks to all of you.